7 Advices for Parenting Step Children

Author: Laura Kaine
It is an excellent step to look for advices on parenting step children. It implies you care and value the relationship you can establish with them to eventually be respected and loved by them. You should not hope to be obeyed at first or to be allowed to discipline them. You are going to have to proceed step by step.

To sum up the development of your relationship with your step children, you'll start a little bit as a baby sitter, later will be perceived in some manner like an uncle or aunt and eventually as a serious relative, a really close member of the family. Remember you wish to be their friend. Their parents are here for the discipline part, you aren't. And yes, it is an advantage!
Parenting step children takes 7 steps:
1- Be clear when introducing who you are and what you would like to become for them. Be certain that they are aware you don't want to take the role of their mom or father. You have to remain out of the discipline issue from the beginning. Tell them you will not give punishments but will simply apply what has been determined with their mother and father by reporting bad behaviors to them given that they decide of the consequences. It's an agreement you have. You only would like to know your step children more and to be friends if it sounds ok for them. Speak openly to help them talk about what they really think. You are an "intruder" for them, it's perfectly natural.
2- Show curiosity in your step children's activities. They may find that odd and might not answer much but keep showing that interest, it will eventually be rewarded. Always try to know what is happening in their lives, attempt to remember the things they discuss, their friends' names, important dates... It will surprise them. Parenting step children really is about being there.
3- Be a team with your spouse. Speak with one voice or the step children might attempt to turn one against the other and benefit from your disagreements. If your partner legitimates your role in the family, it will be a lot easier for you.
4- Be persistent in your attempt to create a good bond with your step children. It requires patience obviously but don't lose hope. If you are consistent in your behavior, your step children will more likely rely on you. Just be there for them and respect the time they might need to get closer to you.
5- Spend time alone with each of them, do activities they like. On the way back, stop by a coffee shop to drink something and talk a little. It'll let them to discover another facet of you and they will keep in mind what you shared and how great and nice it was. Doing one-on-one activities can make parenting step children much simpler and will build up the relationship faster.
6- Be straightforward with what you feel. Tell them it is tough for you but that you honestly would like to be friends with them. Ask them what they feel. By talking freely, they'll be far more willing to tell you their feelings toward you. Of course it may hurt a little, but given that they will be surprised you're not their enemy and understand them, they will feel compassion for you too!
7- Have humor! It will help the family consider things differently and will relieve some tensions. Humor can really help you get closer to your step children.
It would be a lie to claim that parenting step children is extremely easy but with these 7 steps, I'm pretty sure you can create your unique place in their hearts and become a real member of the family. You'll be respected and loved. Be there for them, be constant, fun and compassionate.
 
A final word for the step mums and dads of very difficult children. You might want to visit the website I created with other parents where you can read reviews of a selection of parenting programs we tested. They can significantly help parenting step children that are really difficult to handle and communicate with. By the way, one of the authors of these programs is a step dad! Our website is called www.YourParentingHelp.com. Tough situations need to be acted upon, otherwise they just worsen or at least don't create anything.

Article Source: http://www.articlealley.com/article_1388622_27.html
About the Author: I'm a mom and an editor and a wife too. I discovered how wonderful mastering parenting skills is when I faced a very difficult situation with my daughter's behavior, June. Having changed this situation into a strong relationship and real peace of mind for me and my husband made me want to share what I know to help others, which I did, with several families, different situations. It changes everything to understand what are the mistakes we make, how we can improve the way we communicate with our children to help them become responsible adults.
http://www.YourParentingHelp.com