Too Much Closeness: Is It Bad?

David have been married for 3 years to Tina, a co-worker whom he was engaged for over 2 years. He considers their union to be generally peaceful and happy with quite a few bickering. Still without children, they have all the time to spend with each other anyway they want – a privilege that few married couples with children, rarely enjoy. But their constant closeness is becoming like a prison cell for David. He says, “We work in the same company, drive together and meet for lunch. Yet, we still email each other. If I don’t send her a SMS, she calls to check me up. And if I spend an evening with the boys, she complains. I love my wife, but after 3 years of marriage and us being too close, I feel trapped."

 
Can a couple like David and Tina be too close?
 
In a romantic relationship, too much closeness is common between partners. When Eugene and I were still dating, I can only count the days we were not together by the fingers. Our days typically started with a phone call from either of us. We eat lunch together; by mid afternoon he dropped by my office to bring me snacks before he goes to the Central Bank to deliver cash and checks from the bank where he worked. By 5:30 pm, he will be back in my office again to get me and bring me home to my rented room. He will then join me and my roommates for dinner before he finally goes home between 8:00 to 10:00 in the evening. Weekends were spent in his place where he lived with his parents, siblings, cousins and other relatives.
 
When we started going out, my Friday night outs with the girls have gone. Things that I usually did alone were already shared with him. It didn’t bother me though. I was happy and the feeling of being with someone you love every minute of the hour is really addictive. Time is actually never enough and there is no place for boredom.
 
It is natural for couples in a romantic relationship to be closely attached to each other which is essential during this phase of courtship and for the relationship to succeed. After marriage, the closeness will normally subside and settle down to a more relaxed state when husband and wife will begin to reach outside the marriage, pursue different interests and when children starts coming.
 
But what if one partner continues to cling to the other just like Tina to David?
 
Maintaining a degree of closeness while allowing some space for each other to grow is ideal. But if such becomes extreme and prevents the growth of the other, then it is no longer considered as a close relationship but an obsessive one. It is a relationship that deprives both partners the freedom to be with themselves, their circle of friends and their family members.
 
A too close relationship can also be unhealthy and dangerous for the marriage. A person who feels trapped in such a relationship might begin to secretly desire to move out.
 
It is important then for couples to determine a desirable level of closeness in their relationship. Although every individual has varied level of tolerance to the amount of closeness that they are getting out of their relationship, they can not go wrong by being moderate.
 
Too much closeness can ruin your relationship. But too little of it can also make you drift apart.