H4 wife

I am an H4 wife....
H4 visa status has been a part and parcel of my life, career and in fact my past, present and future. I had read on many websites about the agony and pain along with waste of talent many women have faced. I too had come to this country to add up to the quiet huge population of "Trained technical, professionally qualified wives" sitting at home.

 
Back then coming along with husband to a new place, to have a new beginning seemed more important. Hardly could I ever imagine the difficult times ahead. This article might not provide wonderful options for women in the similar situation but might give them some assurance that they are not alone. As I share some of the good and bad experiences.
 
Not sooner than 6 months of arriving here had I started feeling lonely, unimportant and upset at the waste of time without a purpose .Every time I would get ready to go out.It was as if my inner voice kept on asking "What are you doing to your career?".. "Where is that energy and enthusiasm to go out of the house ,talking to people ,office, projects, clients, spending around ,driving around, parties, formal dresses?" I craved for those times where I had some "Identity". On top of that, those gloomy winter days ,when I had not got my drivers license, there was no other option than looking out of the window for months watching the snow and waiting for husband to come back home to talk .
 
My desperation to help myself out of this situation led me to search around for solutions. We approached a lawyer and then came to know about the not so easy path ahead. I tried for the lottery but in vain. I came across one of my old college friend in a similar situation and was more upset to know that she had waited for 9 years for her green card, did her part time MBA and still waited for the proper time to join work. And you won’t believe the happiness on her face...On the office joining day. After that for a couple of days, I tried to divert my mind and hence, became a frequent visitor to "Yahoo chat"…But then for how long..Chat rooms these days are full of crap...more than you can ever imagine. So I quit. I tried playing "potluck” potluck”!! with some friends, but then the series ended soon ,as people realized the fatigue after the event and backed out.
 
My patience had reached its limit when one day I could not stop myself at the park from asking somebody's kid on high school, if he could come for science tuition for free. The "free" word was actually miss leading for some people over there .Among the 6-7 ladies standing, one of them popped up with the idea."Hey why don't u try at the nearby grocery store" they need some body to work with cash and also cleaning." soon a second opinion popped "Would you mind baby sitting my 2 year old 3 days a week ,while I am at work" .(For Free ???) I imagined myself to be at the same situation like the TV commercial of " Bharat Natyam dancer holding the railway flag of the station master" I do not work ,and that doesn’t mean that I end up doing just anything beyond my scope ,capacity and interest.
 
I had volunteered for some instances. But on long term ..."A salary and interest is something that naturally keeps up the motivation” ...And that cannot be achieved on this situation. Then suddenly one day a friend suggested "Have kids...” This time you can utilize to have kids born in USA.I thought..mm not a bad idea but then the dream of giving a bright beginning to my career with kids and their runny noses, day care, nappies..almost shook me up…
Days have passed long since I had been desperate to work in this country. But am no longer so now. Things are just as they were then. Still I go out on parties and stumble with my fading vocabulary and grammar which used to be solid few years ago. I look in to the mirror and see myself trying to be busy, driving around, cleaning the house, packing lunch boxes for my husband and kid, taking care of them, ironing their clothes, also stitching pants and shirts, managing their school and office paper work,in the post office, grocery shops, writing for B'Khush and of course also sometimes (though less now) cribbing for my "Sinking Titanic " (my career).
But above all…there is a kind of satisfaction creeping deep within..The satisfaction that "I have taken good care of my family". "I have learnt a lot many unexplored things on food, tailoring, embroidery...I had tried ..."I have not lost hopes of reviving my career once again"..